declination.

at the moment of departure
caught between truth and desire
my atrophied heart beats
and i want to stay. i want to feel.
but of course i leave
i don’t stay where i don’t belong.
the abrupt declination
surprises no one but me
even as i had kept the end in mind
from the beginning.
all the joy
will be forgotten
in such a brief time.
it will be as if i had never existed
someday you will not be able to recall my name
or see my face in your mind.
which is to be expected.
i was the only one who needed the heat
to feel alive
needed the words to feel less alone
needed the lie to remember what truth felt like.

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